Winter ache

A feeling has come over me this evening, not unfamiliar to me -- but only tonight have I been able to describe it in words: winter ache.

The ancient Irish basically divided their year into two halves, light and dark. The season of Summer (beginning around 1st May, called Bealtaine) is the light half; and the season of Winter, beginning around 31st October, called Samhain), is the dark half. 

So, up here in the Northern hemisphere, Winter has begun. I can feel it in my bones, down to my soul, somehow more abruptly and acutely than ever before. Winter ache. November is here. It's the darker half of the year. The last remnants of summer have gone.

It's not a sort of pain exactly, or just melancholy, although those elements are certainly present. There's a deep feeling of longing to it as well, a yearning -- and I'm not entirely sure what for, or why. A feeling of restlessness accompanies it, too, and anticipation. I keep thinking I see little shadows moving out of the corner of my eye. I want to bury myself under a bunch of sweaters and blankets and listened to Doomed on SomaFM in the dark and eat soup and burn candles that smell like burnt herbs and bonfires.

It's getting damp and cold. Each day has a fewer moments of daylight. It's supposed to be a time of rest, respite, reflection. It's the rainy season here. The days are grey and yellow, colored by the quiet fog and withering leaves; a powerful and multi-sensory aesthetic.

I used to dread the winters when I still lived in New England; they're fun when you're a kid with no responsibilities, when a snowstorm means a day or two off from school, you can play outside all day and drink hot cocoa afterward. As an adult, you have to deal with the ugly side of it all; endless shoveling, driving on treacherous roads, expensive energy bills, cancelled plans due to weather, being trapped indoors, cars prematurely rusting from the salted roads that erode their frames. A couple of winters before I moved, a storm dropped about a meter of snow overnight. It took us literal days to dig out. 

But here, in western WA, winters are peaceful. Snowstorms aren't as common, so when it happens, it is a bit of excitement and a novelty. * Nobody knows how to drive in it, though, and nobody has snow tires here, nobody has snow shovels, or a handy supply of rock salt for their front steps, etc. -- oh yeah, and for whatever reason there is an abundance of steep roads in the Seattle-Tacoma region -- so even a couple inches of snow, which wouldn't even make us bat an eyelash back east, is a huge hazard. 

But anyway. Yes. Winters here are overall peaceful and pleasant. Grass is lush and green. Daytime temps don't usually drop below freezing. I don't even need a full winter coat, just a decent sweater and scarf. It's a great time for hiking or spending time in nature, provided you don't mind being a little damp. Nobody's out there in the parks and on the trails. There are ample opportunities for solitude.

I'm really looking forward to it this year. 2021's been a strange one for me, with a lot of joys but a lot of unexpected challenges, too. As the darkness grows, it's a good time to think about all that's happened, to take stock of it all, regroup, and think about 2022's plans, goals, and hopes.

[Photo and content by Petrichor & Pumpkins/ Nebulosus Severine/ CMPauluh 2021]