I'm still around, despite things. Life has been difficult this past year, to say the least. I've dealt with a lot of loss and change over the past 12 months or so, and more ahead of me as the new year approaches.
To keep it brief: I'll be leaving this place and returning to the east coast. I've been yearning for that for some time now, but as with all major life changes, it comes with a whole range of complicated and intense mixed emotions: I've lost my primary income and my relationship. Things are rough financially. I've been spinning my own wheels for a year. And yet I have to figure out how to get myself moved 3k miles across the country. It's a lot.
So I've decided to take a piece of it with me in the form of permanent ink, where I can hold it close to my heart forever.
A couple of weeks ago, I got a tattoo of a particular bonsai that is very very special to me: the iconic Furuzawa Pine, a specific Japanese black pine (kuromatsu) tree found at the aforementioned Pacific Bonsai Museum.
Photo of the Furuzawa Pine that I took in Dec. 2023
The Furuzawa Pine has a fascinating history. It was grown in a tin can from seed by Japanese American Juzaburo Furuzawa in the early 1940s while he was incarcerated in an internment camp in Topaz, Utah, during World War II. He probably grew several trees, but this bonsai might be the only remaining one to survive to present day.
Despite all it had been through & all the places it traveled, the Furuzawa Pine continued to survive and thrive under expert care. Then in early 2020, it and another bonsai were stolen from the Pacific Bonsai Museum. Fortunately, they were returned a couple of days later and both trees made a full recovery.
I had seen the Furuzawa Pine plenty of times before at previous visits
to the PBM, but this news story really captivated me. Of all
the specimens there, it may not be the most showy or unique tree -
Japanese black pine are very common bonsai - but its history really
makes it special. Its particular species of tree is a symbol of
resilience, longevity, and strength: themes that resonate with me very
deeply, especially in the past few years. The Furuzawa Pine is very special to me now, and every time I see it in person it's like seeing an old friend.
Last night into today marks the Winter Solstice here in the Northern Hemisphere. I spent the early morning hours watching the live stream of sunrise at Newgrange in Ireland.
The Winter Solstice is an astronomical phenomenon that marks the shortest day and the longest night of the year. In the Northern Hemisphere, the Winter Solstice occurs on 21 or 22 December, when the sun shines directly over the tropic of Capricorn. At sunrise on the shortest day of the year, for 17 minutes, direct sunlight can enter the Newgrange monument, not through the doorway, but through the specially contrived small opening above the entrance known as the ‘roof box’, to illuminate the Chamber.
And then I left the house before dawn to try and get a glimpse of the
rising sun from my part of the world. Alas, too cloudy/rainy; nevertheless, I felt a sense of peace as the sky grew brighter.
In the next couple of months, I will be enduring a lot of things and going thru big life changes that will test my resilience. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm pretty fucking scared. But I'm going to do my best to remember that the dark times don't last. The sun will rise again and bring back the light. I am resilient and strong. I can keep going. And I will find joy and peace and reasons to love living again.
